Bacardi Silver: Not worth the bottle it's...bottled...in. Avoid this foul concoction.
Stolichnaya Citrona: As was expected, Stoli came through. Rather pleasant taste, without the nastier overtones that its compatriots showed. This isn't so much alcoholic lemonade as a citrus-flavored drink, just like the label says. Recommended.
Doc's Hard Lemon: Ever had Busch? How about Tequiza? I think they make Tequiza by mixing equal parts of Doc's and Busch. If you're in the mood for a slightly-lemony beverage based on sub-par beer, this just might be it. If you're in the mood for something that actually tastes good, stick with the Stoli.
Mike's Hard Lemonade: Had it before, saving it for last. I'll let you know.
Extra-special note: This is not all at once. I will be more than sober enough to give a fair impression of mister Mike, don't you worry.